i’m sitting here on this wednesday morning with my tea and computer. sitting here wondering exactly what to write and how to sort through all that has happened. the shootings in colorado. the pervasive sadness of the shootings has rocked me this week, as i’m sure it has you. i have been following the coverage of the attack since last friday morning. like in every tragedy there is an internal urge to gather more information, find out more details, uncover some sort of news that will somehow bring a sense of understanding to why something so horrible has happened. what did the shooter say, what was he wearing, how did he get in the exit door, where were the victims sitting and how did survivors escape. there is a need to know yet, no amount of information can ever make sense of such madness.
it doesn’t make sense. sometimes we get obsessed with figuring something out. because if we figure it out in our minds, we believe our hearts will follow. if we find the answer, our hearts will be at rest. we hammer our heads with facts trying to make a relationship, career, parenting style, or life choice simply work. we research ideas to fix or change a situation, we replay the ‘what ifs and if onlys’, rehash the same conversations, pick the same battles again and again, we want that closure, we need that peace. we hold on to pain or anger or sadness with a death grip and nothing seems to bring us freedom, nothing seems to bring us resolve. nothing.
when we use our mind in this way, use it to bring us peace, we misunderstand the purpose of our mind. our head, the thoughts, choices, and decisions we make can’t fix us and more information can’t settle our spirits. nothing will make sense of the shootings. but we walk forward finding our way through such a tragedy, following the stories, learning about the precious lives lost. some relationships don’t work out, some careers change unexpectedly, some times our kids do things we don’t understand, some promises that were meant to last forever are broken. sometimes life just unravels. some paths in life have led us places we never imagined. we don’t know why things turned out the way they did, but they did. we can’t change it, but only walk through the tunnel of confusion and trust that God is present and leading us along the way. life wasn’t intended to be lived solely in the head. the head is merely a tool for the heart to help the heart find its way around life’s obstacles. our head is a gift, meant to help the heart find its way back home, back to the love of God.
(signs of potty training)
(love the wrinkle on the back of her neck)
(signs of play)