there isn’t room enough in our hearts for other people’s pain. i see it all around me. i see it in me. all the time, people levy their pain alone. we don’t make eye contact, we get awkward, and we deny the true severity of the ache inside of others. we have a friend that recently lost her mother to a stroke. she said our culture doesn’t know how to grieve. she is right, we don’t. there is a death, a service, and maybe a week later someone sends a fruit salad tritely trying to mend the bullet hole left inside her heart. in our world there is no room for all that is ruining the souls of those surrounding us.  i so often succumb to excuse myself from entering the sadness. i am busy, i am a mom, i am a working mom, i am tired, i am cleaning, i am checking off my list, i am not the one to be there, not me, not right now.

i’ve seen the grief that makes souls soar and i’ve seen the grief that swallows. i have a friend who isolates her pain, she feels it alone and fears to burden anyone with all that she bares. it was one swift conversation with her spouse, her life left in shock, prickly pieces of pain everywhere.  i have a friend who has run from her pain like it was the plague. and by how far she has run you would think she was a marathon medalist. i have a friend, single mom to three. even with all the pain, she said she wouldn’t wish it away. her pain moved her to pray. her pain moved her to see God. i have a friend who lost his 19 day old son to a birth defect on Christmas eve and i read today that his own liver is failing him, again.  he says his pain is merely a gift to see the glory of God. i think this is brave. i think this is simply glorious.

how do we make room for the grieving, for those in pain. answer: we make room. it is that simple. we make space. i know it is scary. i know we feel the pressure to fix their problems. i know seeing someone’s pain means feeling your own. it isn’t always pretty and sometimes the ugly cry comes out, but it is love.  it is love when we make room, make home for the hurting, pour a cup of coffee, and share space. sacred space.

my sweet friend, ashley, made this log candle holder for me! you read that correctly, M-A-D-E. amazing, right! i told her to start a business, pronto.

who will be the first buyer?!?! it might be me. i want one for every table in our house!

at this point your thinking, “wow, how does a mother of 3 have time to create such a pretty table display!?!?!” … do not be fooled, my friend.

my kids sweetly playing imaginary games together. oh wait, no, just watching some t.v. and completely unengaged.

what’s this? a pile of dirty clothes? oh no, those are clean. i think. and we aren’t going on a trip. those suitcases have been there for 2 weeks. empty.

look at her healthy kid eating a carrot!! what a great mom!

oh wait. carrot dipped in frosting. not so great.

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8192 9 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8175 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8175#comments Wed, 09 May 2012 16:09:52 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8175 i saw all the potential hazards.

stickiness all over the floor, the boys accidentally knocking over the pitcher, a fight breaking out over who gets to squeeze, slicing a finger, the messy aftermath i would have to clean up. i weighed these hazards against this: an experience. one small experience that would last only moments before they got distracted by dirt, toys, or a silly song.

experience won.

panic, panic, please don’t spill!

thanks lindsey for the oranges!!!

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8175 1 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8111 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8111#comments Mon, 07 May 2012 10:23:48 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8111 when asked to describe this couple friends said…

“a lighthouse. a couple who goes to those dark places and brings the hurting hope.”

and from my brief interaction with them, i couldn’t agree more.

(georgia, i miss you!)

venue: chukkar farm and polo club.  alpharetta, georgia.

wedding & event planner: laura birney

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8111 9 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8095 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8095#comments Wed, 02 May 2012 16:24:39 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8095 time.

it was a deep sigh. the kind you feel in your gut. i walked away. and even though we dreamed up ways to see each other again soon, i knew it would be years. i hadn’t seen her since my wedding, years ago. it had been years since our college road trips, dorm room conversations, and science class. years. since then we had babies, got degrees, moved a few dozen times, and changed in a million ways. when i heard she was in san diego for just one evening, i knew i had to see her. jamie, my bubbly, bright, free, live life with every ounce of her being, friend was here and i drove downtown to see her.

the swirl of the art show spun around us, a rhapsody of blues and folk. white walls lined with  stories in square frames, faces of fathers fractured by success.  and it was as it had always been, a friendship rooted in heart. she shared about her baby girl and the way her little liver works differently than other babies. and on a day unknown to us all, her baby girl will need a new one.  i felt my tears hot behind my eyes listening to her story. she shared about how even in the darkest days, she still finds joy, she still feels blessed, she still sees hope.

it’s an oddity the way people move in and out of our lives. we lose people along the way, don’t we? some friends we never imaged living without somehow get lost into the shuffle of days, weeks, and years, while others seem to stick. maybe friendship isn’t concerned with a lapse of time, but about being in-time. intimate.  it’s about intimacy; being present, honest, vulnerable, and alive to the heart before you. because as we stood there, sharing smiles and secrets, the misfortunes and miracles, failures and fears… it felt timeless.

sam’s saying- “STOP moving!”

but, boys NEVER.stop.moving

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8095 3 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8073 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8073#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:30:27 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8073 georgia.

when sam asked what i wanted to gain from this trip, i told him a few lbs. i wanted to eat: a lot.

as we dropped off the boys at the grandparents, we got a flat tire.

got delayed in denver, had some delicious chips with melted blue cheese. (how can anything with blue cheese be anything but delicious.)

noelle pooped mid-flight, out of her diaper and onto her clothes.

arrived in atlanta, luggage didn’t arrive (southwest, grrrr).

saw josh holloway (sawyer-lost) at the car rental, even though it was the back of his head, i was happy.

met a mom of 6 incredibly well behaved kids, asked her what her secret was, her reply- i get on my knees, a lot.

met a missionary to Afghanistan, he and his wife are the only believers in a city with 1.2 million non-believers. i was humbled.

i cried when i left the wedding, felt like these strangers became friends and i didn’t want to leave.

learned more than i’ll ever need to know about the history of coke, but not how to make it. i seriously hate secrets.

every street in georgia is named peach tree.

nice people live in georgia, every.single.person is nice.

learned more about the civil war in one car ride with sam than my entire junior year of american history with mr. farias.

thai food, not so good in atlanta.

houses, i’m certain people called the police because a mysterious white ford kept driving up and down their street snapping pictures of their homes.

trees, literally line every highway.

saw a sign that said, “are you lucky?” and i thought, “yes i am.”

georgia, i love you, those extra lbs. were well worth it.

(sams impersonation of sawyer-not bad)

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8073 10 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8058 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8058#comments Wed, 18 Apr 2012 15:12:16 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8058 grey.

i found my first grey hair this week. right there on the top of my head and laying slightly below my bangs. it came, oldness, gracefully announcing its awakening. i remember being a child and my dad resting his head on my lap. with our skin soaking in the heat of the sun on our back porch i’d pluck his grey hair and add a penny to my piggy back for each valuable find. i was going to be rich.  i don’t imagine i’ll be the type to dye my hair to disguise oldness’s arrival. it doesn’t bother me as much as it speaks to me. it tells me… life is but a breath, live it well.

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8058 4 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8051 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8051#comments Sat, 14 Apr 2012 15:32:00 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8051 banana project.

thank you to everyone who entered your ideas. i was so inspired. i laid awake at night thinking about how big the world, yet how small our streets are. there is so much we can do for people who have been placed in our pathes if we take time to see their hearts and needs. reading your responses have been so life giving. thank you. it moves me.

thanks random.org for picking the winners because i could never have picked on my own!

irene phillips, kim freels, katie paschall, and kelli bauwens!

i’ll be in touch and get the $75 in your hands asap!

(thank you also to the 2 wonderful individuals who donated their money to loving others! such a blessing!)

love your neighbor

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8051 0 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8003 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8003#comments Thu, 12 Apr 2012 08:09:01 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=8003 it was a miracle that they found each other.

but, i suppose all of love is that way, a miracle.

(read the back story or scroll down to the give away)

i’ve always dreamed of having neighbors.

the kind where you can run next door and borrow a cup of flour. already, some of you are thanking your lucky stars that i’m not your neighbor. trust me, if you are thinking this then i probably wouldn’t want you to be my neighbor either. fair. moving on. since moving onto our lovely street lined with lampposts (yes! lampposts!) i’ve noticed a few interesting things. the people. there is mrs. haynal on one side. she has lived in her home since 1968, raised all of her kids there and now lives widowed and resilient as ever. then to our left there is Bob, the electrician, and his wife jodi, who bring us tangelos. Mike, who owns a carpet cleaning company loves mountain dew and poker lives up the street, and Rick, the Catholic father to 8, lives down the street. Dick (and I can’t ever remember his wife’s name) live across the street with a backyard that goes on for miles. And lindsey and paul are to their left with the 9 month old twins.  lindsey sleeps, never. i see her out my window pushing those twins in the stroller every morning and every afternoon. we smile, wave and our tired eyes connect, that eye contact says it all. we nod and we know the feeling is mutual. i think with every wave we are secretly saying, “hang in there, you can do it, only a few more hours till your husband comes home, i didn’t sleep last night either and pushing this stroller feels like hell but only a few more pounds to lose till i fit back in those jeans, don’t worry about that baby spit up on your shoulder i don’t think anyone else sees it, you’re doing great, be strong, i see your kids watching tv everyday and i don’t judge you, one day we will have an uninterrupted conversation, i love your roses, etc.”

anyway, lindsey is one of those neighbors i’ve always dreamed of. she brings me her leftover Easter rolls, and i give her flowers, she runs over for a stamp and i pick her oranges. she dropped by yesterday to witness a lovely tantrum from my compassionate 2 year old whose melt down began over not having any bananas. right, because everyone needs to kick and scream over not having bananas. i’m taking crazy pills here people. so today i came home to find bananas dangling on my front door welcome sign.

love your neighbor as yourself. i wonder how i’m doing at this. i know that i have lots of good ideas on how i could love my neighbors, those i live next to and those in my heart, but then i look at my pocketbook and my ideas stay a nice little fantasy. i know in the past two weeks a stranger has left us a card full of cash on our windshield with a note attached saying, “spend on your family,” a dear friend volunteered her time to watch noelle so i can have some much needed time with just my two-year-old, and today, the bananas on my doorstep. my neighbors are loving me so well and i am feeling so loved.

…GIVE-AWAY…

here is the deal. i want to help one of you love your neighbors well. i have a friend whose laundry detergent always gets stolen at their apartment shared laundry mat. what if they could spend $75 on laundry detergent that they could leave in the shared space with a note, “for anyone short on change, help yourself…” i mean, really! or if you bought $75 worth of flowers and left them at your neighbors doorstep! how ridiculous and awesome would that be! or paid for the meal of family sitting next to you at a restaurant that you didn’t know? or bought groceries for the person behind you at vons? or gave your neighbor a gas card, a gift card to anthropologie, or bought them a ticket to Disneyland?!?! what could you do today to love, encourage, or bless your neighbors? what if i said all you have to do is leave a comment:

1) with the name of a neighbor (you live next to, friend, or stranger)

2) how would you use $75 to love that neighbor

you don’t even have to re-post my blog a million times! it is that easy! friday at noon not 1, but 4 people (i received a $225 donation towards the project today!!!!) will randomly be picked and i’ll mail you a $75 master card so you can love your neighbor.

i’m going bananas for the ‘banana project!’ seriously, i’m so excited and a tad corny, i know! i can’t wait to read your ideas and be inspired.

and now… a few pictures of my little obsessions…

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=8012 36 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=7995 http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=7995#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:04:48 +0000 anjuli http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?p=7995 wishing you the happiest 1st birthday little man.

]]> http://photographsbyanjuli.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=7995 0